Just read the text of Kerry's prepared speech - not the transcript of the one actually delivered which varied slightly - and can't help but think in terms of the poetry slam: 4.8 for content, 3.0 for performance.

Which in this image-obsessed, media-driven world, one where George Bush is able to successfully present himself as a "regular guy," is a scary thing.

For those that worry about how my vote will ultimately be cast, understand that intellectually, I realize Kerry is exponentially better than Bush, hands down. Philosophically, though, it offends me that he is my only "viable" choice, as it should offend every American forced to contort their ideals to fit into one of two cramped boxes. It offends me that the media has successfully cast this 20-year political veteran as an underdog, a comeback kid; the same media that summarily dismissed him while swooning over Howard Dean, before dropping him like a music video hoochie not open to group sex. The same media that openly dissed the more progressive voices in the campaign and now cynically reports the many similarities between the two parties' nominees.

In the rush to support "Anybody but Bush," Democrats ended up with a nominee that was simply that. Not a principled individual they could believe in and rally behind, but a blank mannequin that could be dressed up as needed.

"Anybody but Bush" may be fine for rabid Democrats but I'm not convinced it's what people on the fence are necessarily looking for. At the least, it puts Bush's destiny in his own hands, a risky gamble I wouldn't bet on.

I have to wonder if Kerry's rallying cry of "Help is on the way." may end up being a reference to the Clinton/Obama ticket in 2008?

"I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty."

That's the best intro they could come up with for this clown? The biggest speech of his life and he goes with not just a bad pun, but one that is basically a slap in the face to every anti-war Democrat that's being asked to hold their nose and pull the lever for him in November, as an icebreaker?

I really, really, REALLY despise this guy. So much so, he's even tainted my opinion of John Edwards. If he keeps doing that dorky little thumbs-up thing he does I'm going to reach through the TV and break one of them off.

I was particularly disheartened the night before to see so many of Kucinich's delegates bow to pressure and cast their votes for Kerry, attempting to prop up the offensive optical illusion of party unity. The story of the Minnesota delegates - all but one of whom ultimately gave their vote to Kerry - is both disappointing and telling:

Kucinich delegates feel voice wasn't heard

BOSTON -- Minnesota delegates for Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich suggested Thursday that they were misled into casting most of their nominating votes for John Kerry.

"I am feeling regretful," said Kucinich delegate Donna Cassutt, of Minneapolis. "We are committed to electing John Kerry ... but I was sent here to represent [Kucinich] people. It was not an easy decision."

Faith Kidder of Minneapolis, who helped coordinate the state Kucinich campaign, said she felt she was "strong-armed" into voting for Kerry.

"It's an example of the hierarchical, top-down administration of the Kerry campaign," she said. "I won't do anything on a campaign that treats people like this."

Nevertheless, Kidder and others said they would support the Kerry-Edwards ticket.

All but one of Minnesota's 86 delegates voted for Kerry when the roll call of states was taken Wednesday night.

The state contingent included nine delegates for Kucinich, representing the 17 percent of Minnesota caucusgoers who registered support for Kucinich on March 2.

The delegates originally planned to cast their votes for Kucinich, to express their reservations about Kerry and the party's platform regarding the Iraq war and other issues.

But Kucinich personally urged them to support Kerry, and they said they were told by other members of the delegation that because Kucinich's name was not going to be placed in nomination, a vote for him would be recorded merely as "present." They said that they assumed that the information had been passed to the Minnesota delegation by convention and Kerry campaign officials.

The Kucinich delegates decided to switch to Kerry, especially after party officials promised to mention peace when Minnesota's turn came to cast its votes.

But they were disappointed by the statement, read by delegation leader and former Vice President Walter Mondale, which said "peace can only be achieved through strength and wisdom."

And the lone Minnesota vote for Kucinich, cast by Charley Underwood of Minneapolis, went down as just that -- a vote for Kucinich -- contrary to what the delegates said they had been told.

If the election were today, I swear I'd be tempted to pull the lever for Bush out of spite! Better to have your enemy fully exposed than to risk being lulled to sleep by a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Personally, I'm a Jung kind of guy but this thing is oddly on point!

Freudian Inventory Results

Genital (40%) you appear to be stuck between a progressive and regressive outlook on life. Latency (56%) you appear to have a good balance of knowledge seeking and practicality. Phallic (50%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure. Anal (26%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and have a compulsive need to defy authority. Oral (33%) you appear to be stubbornly and irrationally against receiving help even when it might be the more intelligent option.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Genital: This one sounds about right, what with my generally wanting to shatter the status quo while feeling bound to its maintenance on certain levels at the same time. Sucks, to be honest.

Latency: Again, pretty right on, and it seems to complement - perhaps exacerbate? - the Genital result.

Phallic: Well, that's really none of your business! Sounds right, though.

Anal: Ding! Ding! What is "nailed it"?

Oral: Back-to-back jacks!

It's always weird when tests like these confirm some of your less-desirable traits. Or at least potentially troublesome ones, as I don't necessarily see the Anal result as being absolutely negative. I'm sure others might see that differently, but screw those anal-retentive bastards, I say! ;-)

Interestingly, other than Phallic, Salomé and I had completely opposite results, in some cases, diametrically opposed! Does that mean opposites really do attract? That we're in a yin-yang kind of relationship? That we'll never agree on anything?

That whomever outlives the other will then drop dead within six months from depression?

Boondocks on TV? Everybody in the pool!

The Vine: Cartoon drawn to 'Boondocks'

"The Boondocks" is bound for Cartoon Network. Sources say Cartoon Network is finalizing a deal with Sony Pictures Television to pick up a half-hour series based on the newspaper comic strip "Boondocks," penned by Aaron McGruder. The TV adaptation was initially developed as a pilot for Fox Broadcasting Co., which passed after viewing a six-minute presentation reel during its pilot screening process earlier this year. Cartoon is believed to be eyeing "Boondocks" for its "Adult Swim" late-night block, given the racially and politically charged humor that has been the hallmark of the newspaper strip.

Gee, Fox passing on a hyper-political show like Boondocks? Surprise!

And thank goodness they didn't go the live-action route. Hopefully it translates more like the Simpsons and not Dilbert or Garfield.

Pumpkin Seeds: Countdown to 35 Sedition

1. I turn 35 in 26 days! If you order my gift now, Amazon's free shipping offer will get it here in plenty of time. :-)

2. I know it's wrong to take pleasure in others' drama, even in an I told you so situation, but if this is true, I can't help but be tickled pink.

3. In related news, I found out yesterday that I'm the only feature at next week's First Wednesday reading at the Blue Ox, which may mean some flexibility on the 20-minute set. Considering a good chunk of my "audience" will be regretting the money they spent on airfare and hotel in St. Louis at the National Poetry Slam, it might also mean a relatively light crowd. I plan to treat those that do show up with a little something special. I'm just not sure what that will be exactly...

4. You know once something appears in the National Enquirer, it's not long before it's revealed to be true:

Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani, the hero of 9-11, is being secretly courted to become President George W. Bush's running mate in the November election, The ENQUIRER has learned.

Sources say Republican Party officials want Giuliani, who showed so much leadership and courage during the attack on the World Trade Center in 2001, to replace current VP Dick Cheney on the ticket.

They are convinced Rudy is the secret weapon that could defeat Democratic hopefuls John Kerry and John Edwards.

"It's Rudy's if he wants it," a close source told The ENQUIRER.

5. And then there's this reassuring little piece of news:

Election officials in Florida's Miami-Dade County say electronic records from gubernatorial primary elections in 2002 have been lost after two computer crashes last year.

Officials said Tuesday the crashes were uncovered after the citizens group Miami-Dade Election Reform Commission had inquired about the records from the 2002 primary between Democratic candidates Janet Reno and Bill McBride.

Election authorities say the 2002 primary election was the first in which there was widespread use of electronic touch-screen voting machines. The reform commission said the loss of the records underscores problems with that new voting technology.

6. What's in your wallet?

January 20, 1997: Bill Clinton's second inauguration
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 6,843.87

December 19, 1998: Bill Clinton is impeached
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 8,988.85
(NOTE: Figure is from Dec. 21, as the impeachment happened on a Saturday!)

December 13, 2000: Al Gore concedes defeat in Presidential election
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 10,794.44

September 10, 2001: Pre-9/11
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 9,605.51

September 17, 2001: Post-9/11
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 8,920.70
(NOTE: Markets closed after 9/11 and re-opened on 9/17.)

March 20, 2003: War on Iraq begins
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 8,286.60

May 1, 2003: Bush declares "Mission Accomplished"
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 8,454.25

January 13, 2004: 500th American soldier killed in Iraq
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 10,427.18

July 20, 2004: 900th American solider killed in Iraq
Dow Jones Industrial Average: 10,149.07