Pumpkin Seeds: Comic Book Roundup

1. These days, most comic books are written in story arcs of 3-6 issues; more for limited series. At best, this means fuller stories with more complex plotting and deeper characterization. At worst, it's filler and fluff. Typically, it's the worst that dominates the bookshelves and sales charts.

2. There are way too many X-Men-related titles coming out every month and the Reloaded stunt seems to have killed the only one - New Mutants - I was interested in.

3. Ultimate Fantastic Four: Like most things from the House of Ideas, I love the concept of their Ultimate line but have little interest in the execution. The Ultimate Six mini-series, my first foray, left me cold and feeling somewhat cheated, and as little as I liked the original X-Men or the Avengers when I was younger, I was never a fan of the Fantastic Four at all. I've always been a sucker for first issues, though, and decided to give this one a chance and am happy I did. The first arc reimagined the origin of the team, making them much younger while bringing them into current time. Taking advantage of the expanded story arc formula, Ultimate masterminds Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar effectively use the first six issues to firmly establish each character's identity, laying an emotional foundation that's often lacking in comics, especially in team books. By the time Doctor Doom is [re]introduced in the seventh issue, you can't help but be hooked, and the fact that Warren Ellis takes over the writing duties without missing a beat, ups the ante in fact, is a testament to the benefit of the expanded story arc done right. Jeph Loeb should take notes.
 
4. Superman/Batman: Early Batman stories aside, Jeph Loeb is an overrated slam poet of a comic book writer whose inexplicable popularity is only exceeded by the teenaged wet dream pencils of his sidekick du jour, Michael Turner. Turner's recent spate of cover work is notable solely for his facility with the ladies but once he gets inside a book for 22 pages, his weaknesses are glaring. Lazy pencils, stiff layouts, characters differing only by their costumes... I try to avoid buying comics for their potential collectibility but four disappointing issues into this combo and it's the only reason I'll complete this arc.

5. Atticus Kodiak: Not a comic book, but the protagonist in a series of novels from writer Greg Rucka, whose work I first came across in Gotham Central. Keeper and Finder, the first two novels in the series, introduce you to Kodiak, seemingly a little too young at 28 to be a professional bodyguard, but an engaging character with an interesting supporting cast. Rucka's prose is fluid and fine-edged, reminiscent of Lawrence Block's work in his own Matthew Scudder series of novels, minus the New York City grit that Block does so well. And that's a significant minus as Rucka's NYC feels a little too MapQuest for a native like me. The names and places are all correct but there's a certain something missing, the same absence you sense in films shot in Vancouver. That relatively minor point aside, Rucka tells a tight, engrossing story, the kind you read in a couple of breathless sittings. The kind he and Ed Brubaker have been delivering regularly in Gotham Central. Of these two, Keeper is actually the stronger book as Finder's plot teeters on a tightrope of implausibility and it's only Rucka's strong characterizations that save it from completely falling apart.

I, Robot didn't just whomp Spider-Man 2 at the box office this weekend, it also beat it out in my overall opinion of the two.
 
Spider-Man 2 was a lot of fun, no doubt, but there were times I felt like Raimi was getting a little too wink-wink with the comic book fans, not to mention his own cult following. That Salomé, not particularly familiar with the details of Spidey's background, was bored at times when he over-indulged in some of these moments confirmed it for me.  The over-the-top nod to his Evil Dead movies in the scene where they try to saw off Doc Ock's arms was a bit much. The campy segment where Peter Parker focuses on being Peter Parker while some goofy, Come on Get Happy-ish song plays in the background, annoyed me, as did J. Jonah Jameson's obnoxious hamming it up as if he was on the old Batman TV series. And the big train fight scene that put an el in Manhattan was just lazy and uninspired.
 
All that said, as a comic book fan, there were several little moments that brought a smile to my face - POTENTIAL SPOILER ALERT - like the introduction of Dr. Curt Connors (the Lizard) and John Jameson (Man-Wolf); Harry Osborne's discovery of his father's secret lair; MJ calling Peter "Tiger;" and New Yorkers promising not to reveal Spidey's secret identity.
 
Comparing this one to the first Spider-Man, which took most people by surprise, is an apples and oranges scenario but if forced, I'd put it on par, not above.
 
I, Robot, on the other hand, unexpectedly jumped onto my Top 10 all-time list of summer blockbusters and, I suspect with another viewing, has a chance of making my Top 10 overall. A superior action movie that tackles the done-to-death robots taking over the world plot, liberally borrows from everything from 2001 to Terminator to Spider-Man, and pumps new life into the whole shebang. I'm not a sci-fi junkie and I've never read the source material but I'm guessing, judging from its Isaac Asimov pedigree that in some ways, those movies actually borrowed from I, Robot. The credits explain the movie was "suggested by" Asimov, which makes sense for the amount of tweaking I'm sure they had to do to bring it up to date. And I highly doubt Asimov's leading man was black, a subtle but poignant reference point in the plot.
 
Will Smith is money in Hollywood for a reason, having become the black Bruce Willis circa Die Hard with his likeable, down-to-earth tough guy persona. Plus he's much easier on the eyes than Willis ever was. Call him non-threatening if you want to but 10 years ago there's no way this movie gets made with a black leading man - with this kind of budget Wesley Snipes could not have played Det. Spooner  - plus a black actor in a significant supporting role, with Chi McBride expertly reprising his Boston Public role. Bridget Moynahan is solid as the cold female scientist, and Bruce Greenwood plays slimy corporate scum better than most.
 
The special effects are top-notch and the main robot is a Gollum-like accomplishment, but the fact is there's a meaty mystery plot underneath it that holds the entire movie up and raises it a notch above the ordinary. Sitting through Spider-Man 2 a short few hours after watching I, Robot, I found myself frequently thinking back to Robot and how I would have preferred to end my movie night with it instead.
 
Spider-Man 2: B+; I, Robot: A-

Pumpkin Seeds: Random Edition

1. I don't particularly lke Jay Leno, but this was funny and on point:

I love that the Department of Homeland Security always tells Americans if you don't fly commercial airlines, "the terrorists have won." If you don't hold the Super Bowl or the World Series, "the terrorists have won." If you don't get out to the mall and do your Christmas shopping, "the terrorists have won." Comes time for the election, "Oh, let the terrorists have that one."

2. Taylor Mali offers the best explanation of the whole NPS/ClearChannel hubbub over in his journal and, if what he says is the complete truth, then it makes me a little less uncomfortable about the situation. Nevertheless, my general opinion of how the situation was handled and the underlying issues it brings to light stand. Here's how I explained it to Scott Woods, who had a refreshingly honest take on what's happened in his journal:

The main problem PSI has it that it stumbles from situation to situation, applying band-aids - or not even, in some cases - and never taking the time to step back and deal with the big picture. Back in 2001, when MN was undeservedly [at the time of the bid] given 2002 and it became clear that 2003 forward had no qualified bidders on deck, I proposed PSI take a year off from NPS and go back to the drawing board to redefine the organization, its mission, policies and procedures from the ground up. Too many people were afraid that out of sight meant out of mind, though and PSI couldn't survive the sabbatical. [Like its office space was going to be repossessed or something?] Not to mention that Marc Smith's absence meant certain people refused to support anything that might significantly restructure the organization and not leave room, or a need, for his return.

Looking back, between the generally agreed-upon fiasco of 2003 and what's shaping up to be an ugly 2004, I'm even more convinced that it was the right thing to do and STILL would make sense now.

SlamAmerica was the first instance of PSI letting someone act in its name with little to no input from the community, leading to questionable sponsorship, boneheaded omissions from the tour schedule, a hackjob of a video [did that thing ever actually get released?], and a solid amount of PR that was quickly wasted like Bush and post-9/11 goodwill. Like Tony, there were many who questioned it after the fact, but it's not like there was complete silence beforehand.

This ClearChannel thing is more than just an issue of some grey area in the host city/PSI contract, it's indicative of a fundamental flaw in the organization. While I agree with you on the idea that committees need to be accountable for the responsibilities they accept [though anyone in their right mind putting Brett Axel in charge of something not directly benefitting himself and expecting results astounds me], the EC cannot pass the buck and lay the blame at their feet.

For better or worse, sometimes undeservedly, the buck stops with [the Exectuive Committee]. St. Louis will have their party next month and move on, possibly going in the books alongside the Seattle and Connecticut fiascos, but it's PSI that will have to deal with the long-term fallout. Between this and last year's badly fumbled anti-war statement situation, you guys have your work cut out for you.

Personally, I would still boycott this year's NPS on general principle, as I'd been contemplating last year when I was still slammaster of NYC-Union Square. PSI is a ragtag bunch of poets with little to no real-world non-profit experience and they stumble around year-to-year, putting on their increasingly vain and meaningless "poetry" version of WB Superstars USA while frittering away loads of goodwill and great potential. It's a shame, really, because it could be so much more than it is with the right leadership and a clearer vision for itself. C'est la vie. They've alienated better people than me over the years and I certainly don't regret recapturing the time and energy I used to put in on its behalf.

3. I posed the following question on my LiveJournal and got some interesting feedback but am repeating here as I know there's not a lot of crossover:

I'm strongly considering shifting my desire to start my own press from the back burner to the front, and I'm curious about what things you'd be looking for in a potential publisher of your work. Skip the obvious stuff like no vanity presses and give me the meaty issues like royalties, design input, distribution, etc.

And give me details, not just a laundry list.

Feel free to hit me backchannel.

4. Salomé and I celebrate our 6th Anniversary this weekend! The kids are going to their Grandma's and we're taking a four-day weekend to lay low, catch up on some movies, and eat some good food with some good friends. Six years? Two kids? Makes me think of that job interview staple, "Where do you see yourself in the next 5-10 years?" and where my head was in back in the summer of 1997. Who knew?

So Dubya and company are now looking into a way to postpone the Presidential election in case there's a terrorist attack the day before or day of that might sway those on the fence against him like he believes happened in Spain create the need for an unprecedented delay. And the comparison to the 9/11 delay of NYC's mayoral Democratic primary is way off base.

Most reports I've read on this don't bother to fully identify the guy putting forth the proposal, DeForest Soaries Jr., chairman of the Election Assistance Commission, or even point out the origin of his Commission:

The commission was set up after the disputed 2000 presidential vote to help states deal with logistical problems in their elections.

Soaries, who was appointed by President Bush, is a former New Jersey secretary of state and senior pastor of the 7,000-member First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in Somerset.

--CNN.com

Interestingly, you have to go overseas to get this important little tidbit reported without any shading as part of the story:

No US presidential election has ever been postponed.

Abraham Lincoln once responded to calls to delay the 1864 election in the face of Civil War, by saying that if he did the rebellion "might fairly claim to have already conquered us".

Remembering 9/11 and Giuliani's shameless attempt at changing the laws on term limits to allow him to run for a third term, I suspect this is less about delaying the election to avoid a rush to Kerry - because really, on Iraq and the fighting terrorism front, there's little difference - and more about positioning Dubya to be able to declare a kind of martial law where he remains in charge, a steady hand to guide us through our darkest hour.

In other news, the Dump Cheney murmuring is getting louder and like I predicted, Giuliani's name is popping up as a replacement. Watch for it.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt State Park turned out to be a perfect place for an extended family picnic and Saturday's weather couldn't have been better for it.

Considering I haven't been to the gym in over a month now, I should have known better than to jump into a game of two-hand touch without stretching at all. Especially after an hour of rowing a boat had started blisters on my thumbs and tightened up my shoulders. But it was Saturday evening, we were leaving soon, and given the company, it felt too much like a Fresh Air Fund moment to skip.

Growing up in the Bronx, two-hand touch was full contact and played in the middle of street with constant interruptions from passing cars. Bodies bouncing off parked cars and each other and sometimes the pavement - one Mississippi, two Mississippi - go deep was almost always the play and interceptions were more likely than touchdowns. I was always small and skinny for my age so I made up for it by being tenacious and had the skinned knees to show for it.

Yesterday was no different as I joined the game about an hour after it started, fresh legs in a crowded mix of mid-late 30-somethings and teenagers. There were more short passes and run plays than deep routes and, still not the tallest or the biggest, I was the most tenacious, always following the ball and making several plays on defense. About ten minutes in, the skinned knees came as I dove for a kid half my age to keep him from scoring and made the play. Even managed to keep the grass stains to a minimum.

Today, I paid for my exuberance with every muscle in my legs the kind of sore that makes every step a determined one. But it was well worth it because for that 30 minutes of football, my mind was clear of all the bullshit in the world and I was having fun.

Tomorrow, the real world returns and I will cherish every painful step as a reminder that the life beyond 9-5 is what counts most and nothing should ever be allowed to get in the way of that.

Pumpkin Seeds: Anti-Corporate America Edition

1. In a bizarre turn of events in the Yummy Sandwich saga, I bumped into its President/Owner, Avi, on Tuesday afternoon as I was heading out for lunch and a walk in the park. He was standing out in front of my office building, wearing a Yummy Sandwich t-shirt, and stopped me, asking my name with a gleam in his eye. It took a second for my brain to process everything as I answered, "Guy. Why? Are you kidnapping me?" He laughed and we talked and he apologized for the infamous Powerpoint presentation, "We’re a new company and we’re making a lot of mistakes but we didn’t mean to offend anyone." He explained the “illegal immigrants” line as trying to quell landlords’ fears of security and lamented the difficulty of trying to simultaneously appeal to CEOs, employees and landlords. Apparently, they’re still in our building but he says a combination of inconsistency and my complaint to HR about their presentation got them the boot from our offices. He was surprised when I told him no one from HR had ever addressed my complaint directly, not even so much as acknowledging receipt of the email. He says they’re updating the presentation based on the things I sent them last week and I suggested they either take it off the website or password-protect it. Jus from a business perspective, it’s crazy to have it out there for competitors to access and cherry-pick. He was a nice guy and seemed sincere. The fact that he was in uniform, actually working the cart was appealing, too. He gave me a free sandwich – which yes, was pretty yummy – and I told him I’d write something complimentary.

2. Dear Diana Taylor: If you happen to come across my journal while searching for info on Yummy Sandwich, let me assure you that I now believe that, despite their shaky start, they’re fundamentally a good group of people, Avi, in particular. Mistakes are to be learned from, not permanently marked for, and I applaud them for seeing the error of their ways.

3. "Synergy" is one of those corporate buzzwords that usually means someone is about to lose their job. In the interminable restructuring going on here at work, the domino effect has claimed another victim and found me barely dodging the axe. What was presented as a merge of two groups has become a hostile takeover and I'm the last Survivor from Tribe Fucked. Because I’m "highly-regarded," instead of cutting me loose because my position is conveniently being upgraded to a "senior-level" slot, I’m being offered "a great opportunity" - aka a shift to two of our lesser titles and what is effectively a lateral promotion in change of title from Marketing Coordinator to Assistant Promotions Manager. In other words, the new Director wants to assemble her own team and I'll get to handle titles she's already put her imprint on. (There's a pretty reliable rumor that I have that option only because the CEO stepped in on my behalf as a favor to a mutual friend! Thanks, D!) Crap is what it is as I’ve fallen victim to being really good at my job as it was defined in one structure, and not being given an opportunity to make my case as to what I'm capable of doing in the new structure. Actual details are pending, so there's still a possibility I may be looking for a job by the end of next week.

4. Poetry Slam, Inc. has officially sold out. Welcome Clear Channel, that bastion of free speech and individuality, the official sponsor of the 2004 National Poetry Slam. Good news for the entertainers, bad news for the poets. It was fun while it lasted but it's been time for something new for a while now. [UPDATE: Add R.J. Reynolds to the list of friendly corporate citizens sponsoring the event!]

5. It'll be interesting to see how many supposedly socially-conscious poets back out of NPS in protest of Clear Channel's involvement. My guess? ZERO. The lure of potential fame trumps loosely-held ideals every time.

eBay is evil!

Like the internet that shelters it, it is one of the roots of all evil and people with addictive or competitive personalities should stay far, far away from it.

People like me, for example.

It all started so innocently this morning, when I found myself searching the internet for my favorite Yankee ever, Graig Nettles. I'm not even sure why but perhaps it was destiny?

I came across an interesting site, Baseball Almanac, that had some great stats for him as well as links to other sites. One of the featured Google Ads linked over to the aforementioned eBay and that's where it all fell apart.

Several autographed pictures and balls were available, along with a single bat. Just one. A couple of more searches and several memorabilia sites confirmed that it was the only such bat currently for sale on the internet. And the high bid was only $25 with 13 hours remaining.

Hmmm...

Salomé's recently discovered the joys evils of eBay and has been getting some great deals on clothes and convinced me to go ahead and bid on it. It could be my anniversary present.

Hmmm...

So we bid, setting a maximum of $50, and were sitting on top. For all of 5 minutes! Someone new had swooped in and outbid us. Having watched Andie frantically monitor some of her auctions, I knew how the final minutes worked but I had no idea what do for the next 13 hours!

So we waited and went about our day, until there were 30 minutes left. Refresh. 29 minutes. Refresh. 27 minutes. And so on.

With 10 minutes left, I started probing, trying to figure out where the other person had set their maximum bid and how much of a Nettles fan they really were. $52. $54. $60. $75. All under their maximum bid. A real fan, apparently.

As I was getting cold feet, Salomé took over and I pledged $25 to the cause. She bid $100. Still not enough but the increments started to change, suggesting we might be getting close. There were only 3 minutes left at that point and it was now a competition.

$106

$125

$135

$150!!!!

And we'd found it! Their maximum was $136.99 and we'd outbid them, giving them less than two minutes to respond. Unless they were actively monitoring the auction, there was no way they could beat us.

And those last 90 seconds took forever.

Refresh. 47 seconds. Refresh. 32 seconds. Refresh. 20 seconds. Refresh. 11 seconds. Refresh. 7 seconds. Refresh. 2 seconds.

The winner!!!!

$139.49; only $89.49 more than I said I'd bid on it in the beginning!

It's all good, though, because that other Graig Nettles fan out there is probably still a Yankee fan. Probably thinks the '96 Yankees were better than the '78 squad. Probably doesn't mind seeing Pay-Rod out there patrolling Nettles' old base.

eBay is still evil, but these are different times and sometimes you need evil to fight evil. At least, that's how Dame Judi Dench rationalized turning to Riddick for help against the Necromongers.

You keep what you kill!

Or, at least you get to play with what your wife buys wins for you.

The bat is mine!

S!W!E!E!P!

FIRST. EVER. SWEEP. Yeeeeeah, baby!

And how fitting was it to have Pay-Rod make the last out?

Very fitting. Punk.

Richard Hidalgo is turning into the best Mets trade since Piazza and might single-handedly wipe away the bad taste still lingering from Vaughn, Burnitz, Alomar, et al. Now Duquette needs to get some solid middle relief and a legitimate 5th starter (Keep Jae Seo; give Stanton and Ginter the old heave-ho!) and we might be able to make a serious run for the division.

Much as I want to see Boston take the Yankees out, I'lll forgo that dream for Subway Series 2004: The Revenge!!!

M! E! T! S!

Fahrenheit 9/11. Pretty much everything that's been said about it is true.

It's heartbreaking; it's manipulative; it's old news; it's a powerful evidentiary hearing in the case against the Bush administration.

Ultimately, it's simply frustrating.

While it won't likely change the minds of the staunchest Bush supporters - who wouldn't see a Michael Moore documentary if their lives depended on it - anyone else sitting near the fence can't possibly walk away from it without having their eyes opened.

Wide open.

The problem is what happens when you walk out of the theater. We're still at war with no end in sight. We've been forcefed John Kerry as the only option to getting rid of Bush, which is like choosing between death by a thousand cuts or lethal injection...you're still dead in the end.

Kerry's not going to end the war. He's not going to pull our troops out of Iraq. He's not going to significantly change our foreign policy. He's not going to challenge big business' chokehold on the American people. Or the Iraqi people, or any people, for that matter.

John Kerry is not the answer.

Hell, even Moore thought Wesley Clark was a better option than Kerry during the primaries. If you're going to play at war, at least put some real experience behind it.

In the opening minutes of Fahrenheit 9/11, when 14 representatives led by the Congressional Black Caucus challenge the formal registration of the 2000 Electoral College vote (on the basis on thousands of disenfranchised voters) and Al Gore declares them out of order because they're missing a signature from a senator, ANY SENATOR, my blood started to boil.

Where was John Kerry that day? Or Lieberman even?

And the Green Party, which originally positioned itself as the progressive alternative to the center-drifitng Democrats and showed some guts in 2000 against the objections of many, myself included, have decided to spurn Nader and their own guy, Peter Camejo, in favor of a bullshit "safe-state" strategy with some no-name candidates that will probably lose them much of the ground they've gained over the past decade.

[Great new essay on the Greens and Kerry here.]

So what to do? Is this a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation? Is another four years of Bush really that much worse than four years of Kerry and a false sense of security? Might it be better for Kerry to go down in November, defeated by a healthy margin that reflects the Left's disenchantment with the Democrats, and opening the door for impeachment proceedings against Bush & friends?

Another four years of Bush, or another four years of compromising? Which is the bigger risk?

louder than words: reloaded differed from the Matrix sequel I jokingly subtitled it after in two significant ways:

1) It didn't completely and unnecessarily alter its tone from its original incarnation;

2) The turnout was much lower.

In fact, the paid turnout was exactly the same as the last show back in May: 21. One difference was that it didn't adversely affect my mood as I wasn't adding up how much money was coming out of my pocket this time, thanks to a renegotiated deal for the door to something more appropriate for a Tuesday night slot.

Another was that there was no disappointment over the lack of support for Eric to deal with, who was performing in NYC for the last time before heading west. It wasn't like the Borg were doing anything special for him the following Monday! Or the previous.

The most significant difference, though, was the energy in the room. The most and best audience participation of any of the shows so far, helped greatly by Taylor Mali playing 5th man from the floor. Bassey was on point, frequently going toe-to-toe with Taylor who seemed to be gunning for her for reasons still unclear. Her's was a textbook lesson in speaking one's mind intelligently and spontaneously, without equivocation. Answer the question first, then clarify further, if necessary. Imagine that for a concept!

She and I flowed well together, too, I think.

Rich and Dawn were solid, if frequently drowned out by the audience input. Not a bad thing, necessarily, and the moments they were able to speak up were good ones. The only glitch came at the end, with Dawn defending Taylor against a perceived slight, and delivering the winning line of the night: "Does that mean just because you go to strip clubs, that you understand the plight of women?" It was random and out of left field and afterwards I teased her about it. Being Taylor's girlfriend and being a part of the same scene where he is equally loved and hated has to be tough. He takes some cheap shots sometimes and I can understand her feeling punchy about it.

The audience, though, was really the star of the show, from Taylor and Eliel to Steve and Dyanna, to Abena and Oscar and the others who spoke up, it was as close to what I've envisioned for the show yet and certainly recharged my batteries.

Except for the turnout.

And that's a big deal. When I booked the first two shows on Saturdays, guaranteeing a minimum at the door, I said if I couldn't get 36 paid audience members in the house, I shouldn't do the show. We've gone from 60-something to 40-something to 21 to 21. That's enough to get a show canceled on UPN!

So for those looking for an answer about whether I'll do another one, the answer is...I don't know. It's more Bob's call than my own. And beyond that, it's up to the audience.

It's one thing to say an idea is a good one, but it's another thing to actually turn those words into action and actually support it. And this isn't really directed at the regular readers of this journal as the majority of you, those in the local area, have come out and supported the show.

So I don't know the answer, to be honest. Here's a suggestion, though: if you like the show and want to see it happen again, email Bob at the Bowery Poetry Club and let him know.

Like they say on MTV, choose or lose.

Pumpkin Seeds: Butterflies in my Stomach Edition

1. Tonight is another louder than words and yes, it's true, it could very well be the last one. That's my attitude going into it, at least. A lot of it is riding on how I feel by the end of the show.

2. Right this minute, I feel like it could go either way. But I'm a cynic, so that's not really saying anything.

3. The major tweak for tonight will be me stepping more fully into the center ring and taking charge from beginning to end. I'm going to treat it like it's MY show this time and not go out of my way to leave openings for people. Closer in tone and pacing to the first show than the last two. For better or worse.

4. The soundtrack for tonight is my favorite so far. Even without any Milli Vanilli in the mix. Can you say Was (Not Was), 2 Live Crew and Celia Cruz?

5. Per Rich and Fish's ruminations, I offer a few quotes that sum up my thinking on the matter:

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
--Steven Weinberg

A cult is a religion with no political power.
--Tom Wolfe

I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.
--Georges Duhamel

6. "Which Syndicated Radio Talkshow Host Are You?"

Don Imus
You are Don Imus. You can be funny, you can be cynical, and you can be influential, but you are not the most famous, richest, or controversial. You hold your own.

Yeah. That sounds about right.

7. "Which American City Are You?"

Cleveland
You are blue collar and Rock n Roll. You Work hard and party harder.

I must admit that this one is something of a surprise. And yet, Dennis Kucinich is from Cleveland, so maybe not so much?

Attn: Department of Homeland Security

While catching up on the news this morning, I came across the following information buried in some left-wing propaganda on the "record-breaking" box office for Fahrenheit 9/11 that leads me to believe an insidious act of terrorism has been successfully launched on our soil:

The Wayans brothers' comedy "White Chicks," about two black FBI agents who go undercover as white debutantes, opened in second place with $19.6 million for the weekend. That pushed the total for "White Chicks" to $27.1 million since opening Wednesday.

I believe this qualifies as what has often been referred to as a "dirty bomb."

This dastardly attack, unanswered, could lead to further undesirable incidents - Jackie Brown II, or the return of The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer, ultimately escalating into a remake of Birth of a Nation!

Perhaps special agent Lynndie England should be sent undercover - in blackface? with ass implants? a nose job? - to interrogate the Wayans brothers and find out who they're working for?

Yummy Sandwich: Revisited

Due to a sudden rise in Google searches for "Yummy Sandwich" leading to my journal over the weekend, and a couple of sad attempts at revisionist spin in my comments section, let's recap for the newcomers.

1) On May 20, 2004, I wrote about Yummy Sandwich's Powerpoint presentation and it's questionable use of "illegal immigrants" to promote their product. They had recently been brought in by the company I work for and a co-worker pointed me to the offending slide in the presentation.

2) On June 4, 2004, in a P.S. to an entry about the xenophobic Vernon Robinson, I noted that Yummy Sandwich had been given the boot by my company, officially because "[they] could not follow a consistent schedule when delivering their products."

3) In the comments to the above entry, I later noted that Yummy Sandwich had quietly ammended their Powerpoint presentation and removed the offending reference to "illegal immigrants." Case closed, as far as I was concerned.

4) Today, out of the blue, I get two comments to the May 20th entry defending Yummy Sandwich, claiming there was no such reference to "illegal immigrants" in their presentation and accusing me of "stirring a pot of nonsense" and "picking on small, growing companies." Of course, today is June 27th, 23 days after I noted they'd removed it.

Dear Yummy Sandwich:

While I appreciate the traffic to my journal - be sure to check out www.kucinich.us if you're really interested in creating an environment supportive of small businesses - I'd suggest there's a better way to go about dealing with your ill-advised Powerpoint presentation. Coming clean and apologizing would, of course, be the most sensible route.

You might also want to update slide #2 in your presentation, the table of contents, as it still reflects the original order of your version before you removed slides #8-9, "Who is Yummy Sandwich," which included the name of the marketing person I assume came up with the thing. You might consider "deleting" her altogether. The deleted slides have also shifted your menu out of place, by the way.

Generally speaking, I'd reconsider your overall approach to your business, as keeping people at their desks may be a great sell for the CEOs looking to "increase productivity," but it's those same employees that will make or break your business and many of them don't take kindly to being taken for suckers, much less being told getting some fresh air during lunch is a waste of company time.

As I'm a big believer in small, growing companies, I wish you the best of luck in your efforts to establish yourselves. By most accounts, your sandwiches were in fact, yummy, but your marketing leaves a bad taste that can't be overcome.

Sincerely,
Guy LeCharles Gonzalez
Bronx, NY

PS: Interestingly, variations on George Clooney's tattoos in From Dusk til Dawn are the most popular search leading to this journal over the past month or so. Go figure!

SCENE: Midtown Comics, East-side. A half-block-long line of stereotypical geeks, mostly male, and a smattering of normal-looking geeks, all male.

I like to believe I'm one of the latter.

There was a time when I would have felt extremely self-conscious in a situation like that, standing on line outside a comic book store waiting to get in for an author's signing. Being one, I'm obviously not dissing geeks in general, but stereotypes don't come purely out of thin air and there were more than a fair share of red-blooded, blue-balled, never-going-to-be-kissed geeks there.

Or is "dork" the more appropriate term?

I mean really. Do something to your hair. Wash it, at least! Get a second opinion on the t-shirt. Clean is a good place to start. Consider baggy jeans. Make eye contact with real people at least half as often as you do with Michael Turner's Supergirl artwork.

What's even more annoying, though, are the condescending looks from passerby as they realize we're all on line for a comic book store. Sadly, I recognize the look as the same one I gave all those people outside Tower Records last year, trying to get a glimpse of Madonna, so I only roll my eyes in response.

NOTE: Ladies, check the mirror honestly before looking down your nose at the guys (or girls) on line for the comic book store. Your superior attitude is merely annoying when you're something to look at but, when the only difference between you and the worst of the guys on line is that they read comic books, you might be better off asking for phone numbers than throwing shade. It'll ultimately be more productive than lying about yourself on Match.com...

Anyway, the signing had a better turnout than I expected so I ended up waiting on line for almost 45 minutes before getting my book, Whiteout: Melt, signed. Geoff Johns and Judd Winick were there but I was mainly interested in meeting Greg Rucka (Gotham Central and Adventures of Superman on my current pull list) to express my enthusiasm for Gotham Central and grabbed Whiteout: Melt off the shelf to have something for him to sign. Never heard of it before but that's the beauty of finding creators you like and discovering their non-Marvel & DC work.

I was disappointed they hadn't stocked any of his novels, though, which is what I was really looking for. Not sure if that was simply short-sighted or if it says something about the reading tastes of the average comic book reader.

On a loosely-related note, The Chronicles of Riddick was a lot of fun, arguably Vin Diesel's Conan. While he's definitely a little too crazy in love with his own gravelly voice, there's no denying the Riddick character, and his entire universe, has a whole lot of potential. Almost like Star Wars if Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and Darth Maul were the same person, and George Lucas had more than one trick up his sleeve. Fun story, great special effects, solid supporting cast - some reviewers need to get over the simplicity of "Crematoria."

Tolkeinesque in its scope, it was a perfect bookend to Pitch Black's claustrophobic prologue, leaving plenty of room to fill in the space between with a couple of more sequels. Unfortunately, unless it significantly picks up the pace with DVD sales, the box office isn't exactly demanding a follow-up. :-(

Meanwhile, work has already begun on yet another Star Trek sequel, despite the last one bombing even worse than The Final Frontier.

Whatever.

One last time, with enthusiasm!



For more info.

Pumpkin Seeds: Post-Father's Day Edition

1. Isaac, my 3.5 year old son, can't understand why mommy and daddy can't stay in bed with him and watch Noggin instead of going to work. Frankly, neither can I.