What the hell, all the kids are doing it...!

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
Blind loyalty
Apathy
Money (as in too much of it)

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
Michael Savage (you HAVE to laugh, o'wise, you have to take him seriously)
Isaac (esp. when he's mad)
Shappy

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
My wife & kids
Our apartment
Helping people

THREE THINGS I HATE:
Blind loyalty
Apathy
Money (when it's unfairly distributed)

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
How planes fly
Third eyes
Keanu Reeves' career

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
Pictures of my wife & kids
Shea Stadium Replica
Jungle Attack He-Man

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
Revising the intro to one of my advertorial columns
Marinating several story ideas for Gotham City News
Looking forward to my birthday (August 16, Midtown Comics or Best Buy gift certificates, please!)

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
Write and publish a novel
Write and have produced a screenplay based on that novel
Kiss my first great-grandchild

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
Write
Lead
Be inspired

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
Abrasive
Stubborn
Fiercely (but not blindly) loyal

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
Tolerate willful ignorance, hypocrisy or laziness
Live in the suburbs
Sell financial products

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
Your conscience
Children
Music, any kind

THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
Fox News Channel
Michael Savage
Your own second-guessing

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
Motherf***er
What the F***?
I f***ing hate ________________.

THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
Shellfish, particularly oysters
Seafood Gumbo
Anything my wife cooks

THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
Spanish
Piano
Patience

THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
Coffee (Fair Trade, ya heartless bastards!)
Water (Bronx Tap!)
Vodka (usu. Skyy) & Cranberry

THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
Little Rascals
Muppet Show
Miami Vice