It's official. I've stepped down from the louderARTS Project and from running a little bit louder.
Writing the email was one of the toughest things I've done in a while, not for any second-guessing but for getting it right. No bitterness, no anger, no potshots. No need for any of that. I did ask that I still be able to host two of the upcoming shows - Mara's feature and Maria Mazziotti Gillan's - as I feel like I should be out front on those two. Some administrative loose ends to wrap up but, for the most part, it's a closed chapter. And a weight off my shoulders.
The trick now is to actually recapture the energy that went into all of that and redirect it into new pursuits. I'll still be on the scene, without question, but I want to get back to being a writer again, first and foremost. I remember my boss at the Academy of American Poets and his most blatant regret was choosing the administrative path over the creative one. It ate at him every day and, in drunken moments, he'd confide that he wished he'd made a different choice. I refuse to end up like that.
With regrets, I mean. No matter how messed up some of my choices have been in the past - and trust me, I've messed up bad! - I don't believe in regret. It's paralyzing and it's also a cop-out. Live by your choices and deal with their consequences.
It's a brand new day.