Thursday, January 22, 2004

Nine random reasons that I'm addicted to this blogging thing:

Thought I saw him there tonight. Could have sworn I saw something like him kneeling and waiting. My heart jumped a bit thinking that maybe he knew and came. But when I blinked, I realized that it was someone else's him waiting for another her. I could only blink again, this time something wet and threatening to flood. Made my way to baggage claim and just stood there numb. Head down. Saw a faded pair of Levis and a pair of black and white shell toes next to me and my heart jumped again. Looked up and it was another him. He apologized for bumping into me. I wanted him to apologize for not being who I wanted him to be. And then I didn't blink back fast enough and the tears came. I wiped them away quickly and decided to feel nothing. --Bassey

last night- i read 'Getting Ronald Reagan to Visit the South Bronx' (the greatest title i have yet to dream up for any of my pieces) and when i got off stage- i could care less what 'my select few' thought. it was a great moment of being really free of my own constraints and, as things turn out in life, one of the select few made it a point to comlpiment me on the new work. others gave me the polite silence and some the 'not bad' and they all felt the same. --Oscar Bermeo

My therapist, knowing this, has asked me if the general air of dread in the country has contributed to my depression; she even is pushing the idea that I'm undergoing some kind of delayed reaction to the stress I dealt with on 9/11 and in the weeks following, especially all those weeks of "travel education" (read: grief counseling/shouting matches) I ran for all the folks here at work who lost friends and colleagues. Sessions I wasn't really qualified to run, but which I jumped in and did like a good soldier, because, you know, I'm like that. --Tony Brown

Kucinich wants to do too much, too fast. I'm not saying I disagree with the fellow, but his stances will fundamentally change America. Kucinich is not leaving a trail of crumbs for people to follow down his path. He's throwing the whole fruitcake at you, and tossing the decorative tin container it came in. Some people will go for this blunt approach, but most would prefer a gradual escalation. It's like getting your first driving lesson on the turnpike. --Dan Diaz

Their fangs were very noticable even though they had them placed on different teeth. You could see that people were a little afraid of them as they had a space buffer around them. Kind of like the ones that homeless people get regardless of how crowded the train is. Fangs menacing those around them with every word. The thing was that since I was right next to them I could hear every word they said. This is how their conversation went. Scary vampire #1: "So you know tomorrow is the day the new Yugioh cards come out." Scary Vamp 2: "yeah I can't wait." This was followed by more specific talk about Yugioh cards. I couldn't pay attention at this point because I was trying so very hard not to laugh out loud at how foolish appearances really are, also so I wouldn't be eaten. --Edward Garcia

so maybe there comes a point where you can control the crazed, arrythmic heart, or maybe you can repair it, but the fact is, over time, things go wrong to hearts in a different way than things go wrong to bones: there's no quick snap under pressure; just a slow, cataclysmic movement.

and hearts aren't likely to heal themselves through reknitting together, like a broken skull would.
--Daphne Gottlieb

So anyway, the thing thats the most sad about this email my mom forwarded to me is not that it is full of blatant lies. A quick trip to any right-wing discussion forum shows that these people live in a paranoid fantasy-land, so its no surprise someone sat down and typed up a bunch of lies that maybe occured to them in a dream or something. The really sad thing is that it took me all of 90 seconds to disprove all three claims (without even looking at Snopes), and yet people continue to forward this around as if it were true. It's like they want to believe the lies, even with the truth so readily accessible. Perhaps they are just comforted by the thought of screaming "I'll never shop here again!" at a store they want to believe is owned by a bunch of America-hating, queer-loving Frenchies. --David Grenier

i'm thinking sanctity and figuring it has something to do with clean. not only protected, but very, very clean.
which means that my room is Not a sanctuary.
which is sort of depressing, because that means i don't have one.
--Mara Jebsen

And I felt naive for wanting to beat the guy's ass because this kind of thing happens every day, and you can't fight every single person dumb enough to say some stupid shit. And I felt selfish, because I don't even know if it fully was about Diane, and the issue of guilt always comes into the equation, trying to differentiate yourself from the others whose pigment somehow screams that you are all the same....and it felt like the people apologizing were doing the same thing....all acting out our personal little dramas, and meanwhile all Diane wants to do is get away. And the reality was that this had nothing to do with me, that all my identities and how they shaped my reaction: as a man, as white.....all that was peripheral to just trying to understand what she was going through, but my own issues of being white and being a man just got in the way....and I'm not even sure if it's right to try to fully sever myself from these identities. --M.C. Siegel

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